For a good while the weather in my head was perfect. Not too warm, not too cold - just right. But summer doesn't last forever and I guess eventually it has to rain.

But it isn't raining.

Usually when my mental health starts to deteriorate I can spot the signs and try stop it, or at least recognise that I'm not going to be in the best mind set for a while. But this time it's so different to anything else I've gone through before. It feels like it's trying to rain but it can't, and instead it's just dead overcast and breezy. I guess you could probably call it the calm before the storm, but I really feel as though there isn't going to be a storm this time - and I'm doing everything in my power to make sure the sun comes back.

It feels like at the flick of a switch my body has suddenly become an empty vessel and normal Tom is off floating around something, and I'm just stuck with all the left over crumbs and dust - trying to piece something together. I don't know.

What I do know though is that I'm getting help. I've finally built up the courage to accept the help that is offered to me, so I truly hope that this is the end of all this. Maybe in a few months I might be able to string a coherent thought together - and maybe even feel something! Imagine!

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