Perspective and Shit

13:27


Since January is such a retrospective, reflective month for me, it's been really interesting, for me, to see how I've adapted my mindset to suit my circumstances a lot better in the weeks following Christmas as opposed to last term.

Let me break it down for you. My first term at uni was a mess. I dropped off of the face of the earth for a massive portion of the time and I lost track of what I needed to do in order to be a functioning adult, too. Basically I was a walking disaster and I LIVED FOR IT. THIS IS MY PROBLEM - I enjoy being a fuck up too much to do anything about it.

PLOT TWIST I CARE NOW

If I had one word to describe January it would be 'YAAAAAAAAAS' because that has been my mood recently. I'm a ball of yaaas and I really feel on top of the world most of the time. Sometimes I do want to curl up and cry I'll admit - but if that happens now I don't follow the feeling, I just run away from it and fake happiness until I don't need to fake it anymore. Faking it till you make it may not be the most amazing way of coping with shit but it sure as hell is an effective one.

Think of it this way. You're walking through a busy town and there's a busker playing a banging tune. Do you dance to it and make a fool out yourself yet still have fun? Or do you fight the feeling and act normal because you're in a town centre and it's weird as fuck mate? I've started to dance even if I don't want to, because it proves that I don't care. And as long as I do that, and people look at me like I'm a piece of shit cause it's strange, it still looks like I'm carefree. I'm not carefree but I don't care if people care. If that makes sense?

Basically, my perspective on life and all my problems has change dramatically. I can't pinpoint why but it has, and I'm quite proud of myself for it. Instead of letting my problems be the definition of me I decide to dismiss them and let them be. Yes, they're something that needs sorting but they're not going to be here in a few weeks - days even. I need to cut myself a lot more slack.


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