Love Yourself


After the overwhelmingly good response to the chapter I posted a week or so ago, I've decided to put up another chapter of my book! Let me know how you like it!!!
It’s true; you have to love yourself before you’re able to love anyone else because otherwise, you’re left giving all of your love to someone else and there’s none left at all for you. Whereas, if you learn love yourself before even thinking of finding someone else to love – you know where to look to find that love you have for yourself, and it makes it so much easier when you’re giving all of your love away to find it again. I’ve said before that I used to be desperate for a relationship.
This was at a time that, although I had a lot of confidence – I had next to no self-confidence. I wanted someone else to see the good things in me that I couldn’t see, and that was where I was going wrong. I’d obsess over how my body would look in certain t-shirts, and make sure I was speaking slowly and lower when I first met someone so they didn’t think I sounded like an old woman. It’s safe to say, I was pretty pathetic with my attempts at getting other people to like me. I’m sure that if I would have relaxed a little and tried to show off my actual personality or some of my good qualities – maybe I would have gotten more than just a first date. Or it could’ve just been that I was a complete mess and no one wanted to date me because, really, I was a bit of an embarrassment. It wasn’t until I stopped moping around about being so desperately single that I realised that things were going okay for me, and my situation could be a lot worse. It was all very #firstworldproblems if I’m quite honest. I was single throughout a lot of my friends’ relationships. When they got with their significant others, I was single. When they argued with them, I was single. When they split up with them, I was single. When they got back together, single. When the whole cycle was repeated, single. I was probably saving myself a lot of energy by being so shit and unlucky in love. It was my own fault I guess – but maybe that isn’t all that bad. I was doing myself a favour even if it felt like I was repellent of any human attraction whatsoever.
Of course, a relationship isn’t going to magically appear to you as soon as you start to accept yourself a bit more. And to be fair, relationships aren’t what you should be revolving yourself around. You shouldn’t be aiming to find peace within yourself just so you can fall in love or whatever. Do it because it’s good, it’s healthy and it’s normal (or should be). I say should because for some reason, people (especially women may I add) are constantly beaten back down as soon as they show any sign of self-worth or self-confidence. Other people are scared of it, and it shouldn’t be like that. It’s a shame.
The idea of doing it is simple – just love yourself, that’s it. That’s all you have to do. Simple. Easy. Just like a Pot Noodle.
It’s the exact opposite. Loving yourself is an ongoing battle, a constant uphill struggle. You’re being weighed down by every insecurity and flaw you think you’ve ever had but you can still see the light atop the hill and you want nothing more than to bask in it. But as with anything, you’re not going to get anywhere if you start running full pelt up the hill, because sooner or later you’ll get tired and give up. Walking down a hill is a lot easier than walking up one – but it isn’t as rewarding. Take smaller steps, take your time and let go of your baggage little by little. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and that you weren’t either. This is going to take some time.
Here are some simple steps you can take that will help you boost your self-confidence:
·      Listen to some sassy music. I recommend Confident by Demi Lovato, You Make My Dreams by Hall and Oates, Sparks by Hilary Duff, On My Own by Miley Cyrus and Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield.
·      Be a bit vain. Take more selfies; talk about yourself a bit more.
·      Ask people what they like about you and then try seeing it for yourself. If you don’t, then every time you have a bad thought, remember what they said.
·      Understand that you’ll never be 100% happy, but no one is. As long as you can pick a few points out and identify why you can love yourself then that’s fine too.
·      Allow yourself to have more fun no matter what, even if you do feel a little uncomfortable at first.

The last two points there are important. Read them over and let them stick. Write them on a post-it note in your brain and stick it somewhere where you will remember it. I recommend sticking it next to the part of your brain that thinks about food – because if you’re anything like me you go to that place in your mind a lot. Being happy is just as natural as being sad, angry, excited or nervous is – so beating yourself up about not being happy all of the time is a massive waste of time if you think about it. If everyone was happy all of the time we wouldn’t have a lot of the music we do, a lot of the legendary art we see wouldn’t have been created – this book wouldn’t have ever been written. Happiness brings out the best in us but so can any other emotion if we let it. As soon as you accept that and stop looking everything as either positive or negative and start looking at emotion as a broad spectrum – then you’re on your way to being at one with yourself. The happiest people can also be the ones hiding the most, and the saddest people are just the people who are tired of hiding things. Bottom line is, we’re all the same – we all hate certain parts of ourselves and that’s okay. But we can be happy even if we don’t like that our noses stick out too much or our bellies are too squishy. Don’t let your emotions take over your insecurity, they may intertwine every now and then but ultimately, they’re two very different things.

Having fun is so fun, isn’t it? And isn’t it weird that we all define what fun is in different ways? I think writing is fun, I love it – but someone else would think it was boring and not get why I would want to write in my spare time. Didn’t I write enough in school?! That same person might love to play football on a Saturday morning, and to that I think why? Why put yourself through that? I used to fake asthma attacks in PE for a good three years in high school just so I could avoid being the ball boy in football. It’s completely fine that we would find different things fun, because it’s these things that make us fall in love with life. Finding nothing fun, or rather not finding what you think is fun, is one of the worst things you could ever do to yourself. This is why we need to push ourselves more. If we did more, got over our fears and pushed out of our comfort zones then perhaps we will find something we love to do. And we might even be good at it. The more you focus your energy on finding something to do that you love, the less energy you’re wasting focusing on your flaws and vices. You won’t be beating yourself up as much anymore.

The path to loving yourself is a bumpy one to say the least, and it is also a very long one. But once you’re walking down it, you’ll see how easy things start getting. The further you walk down the path the more you’ll find out about yourself, the people around you and more importantly – you’ll really learn to fall in love with yourself.

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