Get Over Yourself


This year, over the past few months especially, I've certainly got better and being... well better. Something I wanted to do this year is get over myself. I was getting fed up of doing things - be it writing or otherwise, and constantly doubting myself and my ability. It's not about being obnoxious about your achievements or shoving things in people's faces.. It's about being able to do something you're proud of and having enough confidence in it (and yourself) to show everyone.

One of the biggest things that got me is the immediate judgement of others. Regardless of the actual quality of what I'd done - I was so scared that everyone would find whatever I did and look at it in a negative light. This was especially relevant in my writing (and still is, sadly), whenever I write something I never want to know that people I know have read it because it makes me really conscious that what I'm doing is actually being read. That sounds extremely stupid considering I keep a blog that can be read by literally everyone at any point - but that's a big reason behind this blog. In fact, people who I considered close friends poked fun at the fact I started a blog, which isn't right - I was doing something to help myself. But it just made me want to do it more!

When I had the article published in Attitude Magazine back in Spring , people who had read it before me were texting me telling me they enjoyed it etc. This baffled me, firstly because I had no clue it had been published (I wrote it at 11pm and I was pretty tipsy) but also because I didn't understand how what I wrote could have any sort of impact. I'll admit that it is easier for me to know people have read what I've written now but there's still a little devil on my shoulder telling me that maybe, just maybe, it isn't good enough.

But that's healthy.
I think self-doubt can be good to an extent because it allows for self-improvement. You won't get anywhere if you think everything you do is gold. Even if it is.

When it comes to my confidence however, I don't lack the 'better-ness'. I know that I am quite a confident person, I can talk to pretty much anyone and I love speaking openly about things I care about (probably too much most of the time). In a sense, my lack of 'better-ness' with confidence comes from within - outwardly, I'm 9 times out of 10 very confident.. But it's a different story if you look at it on small scale. As it is with most people, I doubt my self-worth more than I should. I can't say I'm over this, I don't think I'll ever look at myself and think 'OK, nothing wrong here whatsoever' but it has helped me a lot to know that I am quite healthy, I can do a lot of things that some other people can't - and I know for sure I have people that appreciate me. As silly as it sounds, for me, self-confidence has come from the knowledge that other people appreciate me and what I do.


Ultimately, the biggest thing that helps me get over my self-doubt is humour. I pride myself in the fact I don't take myself seriously whatsoever. I love to dance to cheesey pop and I can't actually really dance to anything else. I'll quite happily do the conga round a busy shop with children (a shop that I work in) and I'll ride my best friend around her bedroom like a cowboy. If you don't take yourself too seriously, you can't take as much of a negative standpoint on yourself. At the same time though, having that slight devil on your shoulder to tell you you're shit isn't all that bad. Because it means you can prove the fucker wrong.

I've still got a long way to go before I'm over myself, and I can stop being silly about things that no one actually cares about - but I know I can get there with the right mindset. I think getting yourself into the right mindset before doing anything is important.

But don't take my word for any of this because I'm an 18 year old boy that doesn't know how to properly crack an egg never mind give any kind of life advice.

*my cat too!

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